escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
