We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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