Cold hands, warm shart.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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