Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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