can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
