Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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