what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
