is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
