Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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