I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
