He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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