it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
