It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
