This is not my ceiling
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
