OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
