Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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