my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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