Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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