I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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