Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
