You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
