11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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