I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
