I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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