am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
