I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
