What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
