I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Randomize
