This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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