Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
