he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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