u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
