Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
