If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize