i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
