i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
