so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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