she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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