he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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