Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
