Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
