We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
