woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
