Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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