You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
