Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
