just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
