Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
