Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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