apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
