I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
