i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
