I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
why is half of my head shaved?
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