I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
