I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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