it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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