Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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