do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i now understand why vodka
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
