the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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