People in love make me want to vomit
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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