on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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